


The ocean overshadows

by maizena



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Character Death, Drowning, Jaden Yuki mentioned, Jesse Anderson mentioned, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Zane Truesdale mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22469449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maizena/pseuds/maizena
Summary: Syrus is slowly fading as he realizes he's not as surrounded as he thought and never felt so lonely. Tormented by dark thoughts, he finds a way to give himself the final blow.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	The ocean overshadows

**Author's Note:**

> Never thought I'd ever post something in a language other than my native one. Comments and constructive criticism are gladly accepted !

He exited his dorm room, wearily closing the door and went downstairs without much energy, as if life was progressively leaving his mind and body. 

It was just another day for Syrus during which was just… not feeling it. Hours, days and weeks passed and yet this nagging feeling in his stomach kept developing and engulfed him a bit more each time. He couldn’t get rid of it anymore now, it was too late.

He chuckled bitterly.

Everyone else was probably having fun now. They were probably dueling, playing pranks on each other, playing tag or whatever. Alas, that was not the light blue haired teen’s case. He and his solitude were both here in front of the Slifer dorm. No matter how hard he tried, he always ended up left out, outcasted. Sure, he had great friends who fought for each other, who were generous and supportive. But then, he didn’t feel that supported. Syrus was left behind, invisible as always.

“Hey ! Give me back my shoes Jay !” 

“Gotta catch me first Jess, haha !” 

The two familiar voices echoed, catching Syrus’ attention. What was he saying, he was invisible. There was no room for anxiety, sadness and sorrow. Not when the whole place was occupied with bright smiles and joyful voices. 

He glanced at Jaden and distinguished clearly the carefree expression and cheerful gaze he sent Jesse. When had all these looks changed direction ? When had Jaden stopped spending time with him ? When had he replaced his best friend Syrus ? 

Everything suddenly changed when the gem beasts’ wielder arrived. He just disrupted the balance, his world. And with all his force, he just pushed Syrus away and ever since overshadowed him. Honestly, what did Jesse possess that Syrus didn’t ? 

_Oh._

Right. He was tall, handsome, brave, he had cool and rare duel monsters and he could wrap anyone around his finger, especially the ladies. But most importantly, he had Jaden’s attention. He had it ever since they met for the first time. The teal haired just came out of nowhere and stole him. He stole their friendship, their complicity. 

All he was left with were just memories now. 

His heart felt constricted and couldn’t beat normally. He clutched his chest. It was just too painful to watch. He couldn’t watch those two having fun, fooling around and not caring about the rest. Jaden surely wouldn’t ever think that his friend was here, a few feets away and was deeply suffering. Of course not, he was with _Jesse_ right now. 

His lungs suddenly ran out of air, making his eyes widen as he gasped for oxygen. Blurry grey eyes darted across the scenery to which he didn’t and will never belong. Syrus muffled a whimper, feeling tears running down his cheeks and hiccuped silently. Bringing his knees to his chest, he hid his now red face in his crossed arms, back leaned against the Slifer dorm’s structure. He felt so lonely, so… _forgotten_. He was just sitting there, feeling the tasteless meaning of his existence being wiped out. 

Was he not enough for Jaden ? Or maybe he wasn’t wanted ? He didn’t know. 

It was just this Scandinavian prick’s fault anyway… Was it ?

Now that he thought about it, it had always been the same, even when Jesse had not arrived yet. No one asked him for dances because he only knew how to flail. He always stayed back, holding tightly to the walls. He never interested girls, too short, too shy, too awkward. No one ever cared about Syrus, no one ever looked upon him.

Honestly, who would ? Who in their right mind would look upon him when his almighty big brother Zane existed ? The light blue haired teen had been overshadowed all his life. Zane shined brightly everywhere he went. “Mom says I’m the cutest,” he told other people, looking proud. Although deep inside, he knew it was a simple reassurance, a consolation prize to make him forget about this misery. It would take the pain away for the moment but it always returned in the end, hitting the back of his head and reminding him where he belonged. He belonged with the weak ones, the crybabies, the cowards. 

Even back then, there wasn’t any room for him. Nothing’s changed, same crybaby but different shadow. 

“Am I a failure ?”, he asked himself, his voice cracking. 

The wind danced along with his hair, messing them up and covering his face. He took that as a yes. Even mother nature wanted him to stay in his place, to stay hidden from the rest of the world where no one would ever look for him. 

He was known as “Jaden’s friend”, “Zane’s baby brother”, or just “that tiny Slifer kid with the weird vehicle duel monsters”. Who ever tried to dig down his frail appearance and learn to know him ? Jaden once did, along with his own friends, but that was way before. They were not here anymore. 

Pfft, why did he care anyway ? They were Jaden’s friends, not his in the first place. Heh, would you look at that. Jaden made his own friends, not just acquaintances. He was a catalyst that heated up everyone he met, the total opposite of Syrus. Jaden attracted when Syrus wasn’t even noticed by others. There really was a huge gap between them. Maybe that’s why Jaden left… 

Raising his head, he looked at the blue sky through his glasses tainted by his salty tears. Some clouds were here and there, gathering in one massive pile. Behind it stood - or flew - a smaller cloud. It looked like him somehow, always the last one, always excluded. At least, the group of clouds did have each other. 

But what about Syrus ? What did he have left ? His deck ?

Taking it out of his deck holder, he pulled a card out of it. His dull grey eyes wandered on Submarineroid, one of his favorite monsters. The blue submarine stared back, engaging a staring contest from which the red Slifer seemed to expect something. 

A reaction.

But nothing happened, it just soullessly glared at its wielder.

He couldn’t see duel monster spirits, figures. He was seeking for an answer, comforting words, someone to lean on. And he couldn’t even count on his duel monsters he cherished so much. How ironic. 

“Believe in the heart of the cards, my ass,” he venomously spat, quickly pocketing his card along with the rest of his deck. 

He really couldn’t count on anyone nor anything huh. 

He could disappear at any moment and no one will ever notice. Would they care ? Who knows. Some definitely won’t but others would probably. But where are the ones who would care ? Definitely far away from Syrus. It’s not like he wouldn’t enjoy some company right now, but he was too scared. 

Scared of disturbing others, scared of feeling unwanted, of being rejected. 

Why was he always scared ? Always so insecure ? 

...

And why did he feel so _angry_ right now ? 

He was so pissed at himself for being such a wimp. “Syrus are you okay ? Are you hurt ? Stop crying, it will be fine,” when he wasn’t constantly put aside, he brought pity. His daily actions just revealed more and more his flaws. He had tried to be more like the others, but the brave role just didn’t suit him at all. And everyone noticed.

They pointed at him, “Look at him, he’s weak.”

“No he won’t do it, he’s too much of a chicken for that.”

“He’ll never reach Zane’s level. I can’t believe they share the same DNA.”

_Make. It. Stop._

Their words were making such a tantrum in his head that he couldn’t hear anything but them. It was just…

Too much. 

His feet hammered promptly the ground as he ran far away, trying to mask those hateful remarks that hit him day by day. 

But it was no use.

So he ran faster, not caring about the branches that scratched his face already damaged by unhappiness, not caring where the flow of adrenaline would take him. The Slifer couldn’t stay still anymore. He couldn’t stay silent anymore. Yes, he had to do it, to express himself, to show the world that he was there. He wasn’t hiding behind Jaden’s silhouette anymore. He wasn’t that baby that couldn’t stand up for himself. Syrus evolved. And Syrus was alive.

So he stopped and let out a cry of agony. 

For all of those who never believed in him, who always criticized him. For those who let him down, who each took a piece of his heart and violently ripped it out, plunging their teeth in it and tasting his anguish on their tongue. 

And for those who pitied him, who looked at him like a damsel in distress. 

Just like Jesse did when he was hanging on that specific branch that stood before his eyes. He was a savior, a valiant hero when Syrus couldn’t stop crying and trembling at the idea of falling in the ocean. 

Turns out this idea had a different effect on him right now. 

For the first time in his life, he was going to throw away that jacket labeled “coward”. He was going to erase the wimpy Syrus that seldom sobbed for futilities. Along with the Syrus that panicked, the self-conscious Syrus, the stressed Syrus. All of them shall perish. If he had to disappear, then he would rather leave no trace of his old self. 

And for the last time, he took a sprint and felt it.

All his worries, fears, and rage disappearing in the straight down roller coaster. His heart almost dropped down as gravity pulled him down. Holding back a gasp, his face impacted salty water, blowing off his round glasses. He won’t need them anymore anyway.

His body was trying to float but he made no effort. He didn’t feel the need to hold on for life at all. Right now, the Slifer felt like letting go. Ignoring the salt that made his eyes sting, he slowly let the water inundate his lungs. The feeling was surely unpleasant but at the same time, it was reassuring.

That was it, he could finally be free after all the pain he’s been through. But most importantly, he felt great. He did what many wouldn’t have dared. 

_"Here, take that !"_ He would’ve voiced it if he could.

He was sure that there would still be people who would mock him for doing this. Fools. They will never guess what thoughts crossed his mind at this moment. How powerful he felt, how brave he was. They will remember him for his weakness, his frail personality. Oh, if only they knew. He felt like he was on the top of the world.

Paradoxically, he was progressively sinking in the abysses, letting his body join the deepest and darkest sides of the ocean where he shall never be found.

Syrus allowed the ocean to wrap its arms around him and gently rock him.

It relaxed him.

It’s been a while since Syrus felt accepted for who he really was. The ocean welcomed him with open arms without judging him nor mocking him. It just took the young Slifer and exorcised the deep torment from his heart. The ocean genuinely cared and healed, showing its affection as it caressed his light blue hair.

_"Do you have any regrets my dear ?"_

_"... I should have done this earlier."_

_"I see. Any last words ?"_

_"Take me away, please_."

Creating a huge wave, the sea enveloped the pale body in a warm and tender embrace from which he would never return. Syrus felt protected, almost loved. For once, he obtained even more of what he ever wished in his life. Water offered its hand and Syrus gladly accepted it, intertwining their fingers as it took him where only divinities would know. He braced himself but the caring presence alleviated any fear that threatened to emerge as he faced darkness and left his body for once and for all.


End file.
